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I got the strong sense that she loved and respected him but wasn’t in love with him. I was a little more evasive, I did not want to burden her with my marital issues. A few days later she mailed me pictures of her two girls with a similarly innocuous note. Over the next few years we exchanged Christmas cards—even birthday cards since our birthdays were only a day apart. We talked on the phone a few times and exchanged emails. We even talked aimlessly about meeting some time but we both knew that was not going to happen. It just became too uncomfortable for both of us to keep holding on to something that could never be so after a short while we stopped communicating. We never reconnected, she’s still married to the same man. I remarried and couldn’t be happier. First loves—those that generally occur sometime after high school—indelibly imprint your heart. That first time as an adult that another human being takes your breath away, addles your brain and turns you into mush…well, you. Chuckling to myself as I made the drinks in the kitchen, I knew that she must be thinking of what we had spoken about as she sat there will Darrell.As I took the drinks in, they were chatting happily obviously comfortable together. Over dinner we spoke of many things but I steered the conversation to what I really wanted to hear about, Darrell’s controversial ideas on racism and the way to move forward so the so-called colonial nations could make retribution to the people they enslaved. He had only hinted at when we had spoken before, but a chat with the friend that had introduced us and intrigued me further. My friend had warned me of getting too friendly with Darrell, he said that he was a great dinner party guest, but not let him get too close. “We were talking before at the pub, about you speaking on the history circuit about racism and how to stamp out the problem that people from non-white nations face. You said that not all of your views could be openly spoken of in.
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